Belonging…

‘Josha’ wrote this recently on an online group i belong to. It rings true for me and so i wanted to share it here:

“Wanting to “belong” is when we get into trouble. The wanting is the beginning
of control and distortion and inauthenticity. This wanting comes from our
programming that we don’t belong. In order for us to internalize that
concept we have to be told somewhere along the way that because of what we
say or what we do or how we be we don’t belong. The truth is we already
belong. Our very presence dictates it so. We belong in this world, here we
are. We already belong and by knowing this deeply within, by feeling it
deeply our communication is authentic and real and fearless. By feeling this
deeply we love ourselves and we are free to love everyone else.”

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Planatarium.

I decided that i needed to see the planatarium here in Bangalore. Once I figured out with Z that she was fine with Ammamma (my mom) at home… then i asked R. He was willing to try it out. I knew Z would hate the lights being turned out. She is generally anti darkness unless when she wants to sleep.

So R and i went! It was a 10 minute ride from my parents home. We went by auto-rickshaw (which R loves), bought tix, and waited in the science-activity playground there (where most things were not working well). But it was a beautiful day, cool and cloudy and when there is no direct sunlight-heat Raghu plays 🙂 I told Raghu about when I was 17 and saw the planatarium show. After the show i realised that nothing had changed in the 17 years since. The show has not been improved upon. But of course i did not say anything negative about the show to Raghu.

R was very excited about the show. We sat inside and were surrounded by School kids (2 busloads of them). As it was Raghu’s first in a planatarium… he thought it was so cool to see the night sky… iniitally he kept oohing and aahing and exclaiming “amma… look!” Raghu is not good at whispering yet 🙂

The museums in NYC and Washington D.C. would look like out-of-space-advanced-life-form-creations next to this planatarium. Its only saving grace… it gave Raghu a feel for the night sky (he already knew most of the information about the planets, meteroites etc. that was the show), and they had a decent machine that gave a print out of your weight on different planets/moons (i should move to the Moon), and their surrounding gardens gave R and me some breathing space and room to run about in.

I am grateful for the experience though. Meanwhile i am determined to find “people here who like sharing and showing stuff to kids in a friendly, peer to peer, non judgemental, happy, joyful way” So then maybe it will happen that we travel to a place outside city-bounds and see the night sky in all its glory with someone who loves showign it to people… that would be awesome. (I love lying under the open night sky… but can’t say much about constellations and such or make any real conversation about it… besides we have not seen a starry sky in months… to much light pollution… need to travel far out)

So much happening as we relax

I am in Bangalore with kids at my parents home since the 30th of June. A series of illnesses/discomforts have been bothering some of the family members here. My sister and her dh are both staying here these days. Kids are enjoying thier company. Except for a 2 day cold that Zoya had neither me nor kids fell ill. So these past 10 days we have been pretty much either indoors or downstairs playing in the playground, pool, or generally running around. Weather has been great… a bit rainy and cloudy but cool and breezy. A nice change from Pune heat.

I had a whole list of things i wanted to do with the children… as Bangalore has a lot more to offer than Pune. There are playgrounds and places to hang out at etc. there is even a Planataruim, A science center etc.. But we have not been able to do much. However i have observed, heard and joined several conversations between Raghu and my sister, Veena. Over the past 5 days we have watched all the Harry potter cds almost. And we’ve discussed Harry Potter details, what they missed shwoing in the movies, the power of certain characters, more magic-world terminology etc. So we are relaxing… but so much is still happening. (my fear… can’t relax… feel “lazy” etc… old labels that i was raised with stopping my happiness of the moment). So we’ve watched movies, chatted, watched movies, chatted, walked, enjoyed some strolls around the neighbourhoods etc.

I’m going with the flow and reading more Louise Hays. I find it refreshing. I have seen my attitude towards food change due to her book and unschooling of course. Basically enjoying peace within on a more consistent basis allows my childrne to see that peace is a natural state. And they rarely if ever have tantrums, whineys etc. If i tip the scale and stop listening then i see the immediate repercussions… very quickly Zoya will demand attention in not so great ways.

Quick note: Raghu knows i have always given him attention when he asks/needs it… he demands it less… he simply asks for it. He is more tolerant of my being unavailable (having a bath, needing a quick walk etc). Whereas Zoya is still in that stage of ‘needing’ me. So i am more “there” for her and as quickly as possible too. And yet.. she is calmer because Raghu is around. She has become friendly with grandparents and is again enjoying them. For a while there… she was clinging to me and missing her dad. (ravi was unable to take time off) Over all i can see how unschooling, respecting children’s needs, being a faciliator and not a dictator, working on myself first, listening and creating choices for all of us, working towards making us all happy etc… just work. The impact is enormous.

My parents and Ravi’s mom are 3 very sweet grandparents. They may not understand RU and may not see the full implications… but they are supportive by trusting Ravi and me. They can see thigns that seem to prove RU for them. I am still always around to help them understand my children if need be…. but for the most part my children are able to communicate and the grandparenst do listen. I am grateful for these expereinces.

Loving life with my children. I am learning a lot about myself.