There is a space I’ve reached… where i find myself examining everything…. i mean everything…. it happens naturally and feels like I’m releasing blocks. If I’m unhappy… something is bothering me…. i simply tend to look within for a minute and see what is the source… then i isolate it and don’t let my whole body vibrate in that negative state. I simply focus positive thoughts and find a solution or look for ways to experience that emotion without judgment.
For. e.g. I’m upset about how much i weigh. Off and on when the days fly by and I’ve yet to figure out a way to give my body some focus and my eating some focus… i start to get that uneasy me-fatty feeling. It pulls me down when I’m otherwise enjoying my day with the family. So I stop and give myself a few minutes to isolate the source… and i see it for what it is… a result of certain circumstances. I separate myself from the emotion. I then focus on the next step.. usually a walk around the block with kids makes me upbeat… or perhaps I’ll drink tons of water all day long… in a lovely glass… (i get high from being around beautiful art, objects etc.) Sometimes all i can manage is rolling out my yoga mat and keeping it handy for 5 minute yogasanas…with kids jumping around me. Or i might see that there is a repetitive cycle to this negative thought and take a bigger step like joining a class or setting aside time everyday some how to honor my body.
This way of being has penetrated my way of being with my children. They become a constant source of joy even as they smear peanut butter on my clothes. Albeit some annoyance surfaces… but now i can isolate it from the integrity of the child… which is pure no matter how they choose to live and learn. My children connect best with positive energy and that’s all there is to it. So i keep this mantra in my head thru days that are tough on my conditioned self… conditioned to cleanliness, conditioned to consider food in regimented ways, conditioned to think adults know best etc…
I am learning to see the importance of loving myself. Unless i can love myself unconditionally i can’t be my best for my children and partner.